i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
