Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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