He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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