I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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