i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
