so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
