My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
