You're my little dorito
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
