Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
