I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
