I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
