don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
