I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
