Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.