Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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(281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/lbmt

Replies (43) Good night (6387) Bad night (938)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life

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(636): Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life http://tfl.nu/x73d

Replies (45) Good night (8473) Bad night (684)
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(251): View more from Alabama

the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.

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(251): the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville. http://tfl.nu/cwli

Replies (37) Good night (1145) Bad night (5010)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.

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(203): just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college. http://tfl.nu/ajs9

Replies (13) Good night (4301) Bad night (668)
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(804): View more from Virginia

"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to

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(804): "Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to http://tfl.nu/kp09

Replies (14) Good night (4285) Bad night (941)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror

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(515): I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror http://tfl.nu/xej5

Replies (17) Good night (5058) Bad night (1135)
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(214): View more from Texas

Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom

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(214): Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom http://tfl.nu/1svl

Replies (6) Good night (1061) Bad night (2047)
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(562): View more from California

I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.

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(562): I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/qbx3

Replies (10) Good night (3441) Bad night (775)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !

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(402): Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special ! http://tfl.nu/2zxz

Replies (23) Good night (1641) Bad night (904)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You made out with two different species that night

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(508): You made out with two different species that night http://tfl.nu/gvcb

Replies (8) Good night (493) Bad night (1337)
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(765): View more from Indiana

soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.

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(765): soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it. http://tfl.nu/zcm9

Replies (3) Good night (964) Bad night (340)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.

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(505): Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels. http://tfl.nu/3182

Replies (3) Good night (240) Bad night (750)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes

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(608): We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes http://tfl.nu/pi7l

Replies (1) Good night (454) Bad night (216)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters

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(971): I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters http://tfl.nu/ncp4

Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (211)
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(516): View more from New York

She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.

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(516): She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY. http://tfl.nu/h5mr

Replies (1) Good night (663) Bad night (167)

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