i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
