The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes