So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?