i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I met the friendliest cop last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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