Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
