Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
