We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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