I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
