True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
