I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
