just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
