I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
