So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
