Don't you send me to vm
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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