ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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