Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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