were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
