I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
