Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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