We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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