so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
