So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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