Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
