Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
