Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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