You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
