I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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