he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
