Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
