i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize