I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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