I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
