hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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