Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
