so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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