a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
