So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
