It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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