I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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