every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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