Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
