What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
