I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
