I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
