OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
