Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
