And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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