Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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