My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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