the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
