Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
