whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
