Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
