i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
