Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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