Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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