grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
