U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
