The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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