is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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