that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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