I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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