you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
