I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
