Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
