We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
