I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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