do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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