I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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